What NOT to do in non-monogamy

Building Open Relationships

Dr. Liz Powell is an author, sex educator, and licensed psychologist who specializes in queer, kinky, and non-monogamous relationships. Dr. Liz’s book, Building Open Relationships, is a fantastic resource for those in the non-monogamous community, and for this week’s episode, they let us pick their brain about their book and views on polyamory.

Dr. Liz Powell

Polyamory no-nos

We’re specifically going over the section in Dr. Liz’s book about some behaviors that are frowned upon within ethical non-monogamy:

1. Cowboying/Cowgirling/Cowpersoning: This stems from the idea that non-monogamous relationships are unstable by default, and the cowboy/cowgirl/cowperson dates non-monogamous people with the intent of lassoing them into a monogamous relationship in the long run.
2. Harem Collecting: Similar to one penis policies, harem collecting often presents itself as one person (generally a cisgender heterosexual man, though not always) who dates multiple people (usually cisgender women) who are expected to be monogamous and/or faithful.
3. Unicorn Hunting: A couple who searches specifically for a third partner, in most cases a bisexual woman, qualifies as unicorn hunters.
4. Slut-shaming: Fairly self explanatory, slut-shaming is judgmental behavior regarding how much sexual activity someone engages in.
5. One Twue Way: The harmful idea that one is an expert on non-monogamy and their way is the best way to engage in polyamory. Dr. Liz calls this an “intermediate problem.”

Dr. Liz expands on each of these points during the episode, so tune in and listen to their poignant perspective on what not to do when in non-monogamous relationships!